While I am down in the trenches raising five kids who were raised in a meth house, a lot of people have felt compelled to tell me how I should do things differently. None of them knows what it is like to take in five kids you haven't raised from birth, and none of them knows what challenges I face, but this does not stop them.
Here's an example. I told someone I was mad at the kids because they dug a big hole in my yard, and I told them to go right back out and fill it in, and not dig holes in the yard any more.
This person then lectured to me that she had always let her kids have a hole in the yard, that kids need to be kids, dig in the dirt, have some harmless fun, and so on. She thought I was being too strict. In the meantime, I have a big hole in the front yard, inches from my sprinkler system pipes, and they are making mud balls and throwing them at my new front door.
Even their parents who were high, often not home, and doing absolutely nothing for their children, will tell me things they think I should be doing.
One of the speakers at the meth conference we attended Saturday was a woman with 4 children of her own who took in her 4 nieces and nephews after her husband's sister got addicted to meth and lost her children. She told it like it was, and it wasn't easy for her. The older children were not used to having rules, and fought them with rebellion and acting out. She started out with 3 children, but the sister-in-law got pregnant with a baby they ended up taking in also.
When you are having your family you stop having kids when you lose the desire to have another one and you feel you have all you can handle, so it stretches your energy level to take on more kids, especially when you are older and don't have the same energy level you had the first time around.
This woman would have to stop and wipe the tears away as she talked, and I had to wipe the tears away listening to her, because I knew were she was coming from.
Meth kids have challenges and behavior issues that normal families can't fathom. No matter how bad their home was, no matter how abusive or neglectful their parents were, they love their parents, and they want to still live with their parents. They want their parents to change and do things differently, but they mourn not being with their parents. They are not happier to be with you, the person who is providing healthy meals and clean clothes and giving them a safe place to live, because they miss their parents. The do not feel gratitude to you, because in their minds, it is you who keeps them away from the parents they so desperately want to be reunited with. So there are challenges that people who are not in your shoes can't even guess at.
One of the things I do is to prepare a meal to take to a park on Sunday. I'm a cook who does cook. I am not a bad cook, but I have yet to prepare a meal that someone hasn't complained about. The only things I can fix that all the kids like are tacos, mac and cheese, pizza, grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup, and peanut butter sandwiches, but then my husband isn't happy.
There is a grill at the park, but basically only functional to cook hot dogs. So far I have taken hot dogs, sandwiches, deli sandwiches, and a meal of hard-boiled eggs, bagels with cream cheese, bananas and chocolate milk. I have not been able to take anything at all to the park that every one there was happy with.Every week someone complains, and I want to yell at them that they are lucky to just have anything at all to eat, but I don't. I am sick of all of it after this many weeks of doing it.
So, here is your chance to be an armchair quarterback. What would you take to the park? Remember that a grill isn't always available, and that it has rained many of the times we have gone.
posted by Inklings @ 8:44 AM
10 Comments:
I would say it was:
PYOLS
Pack Your Own Lunch Saturday
First of all, I hope you don't think that by posting parenting tips on my blog that I was speaking to you. You have more experience parenting than I do. I just posted those because they were on my mind since starting teaching seminary. I keep thinking about how to work with the kids I have there, and these memories keep coming back.
Second of all, I think you are doing a great job. I was SHOCKED when I saw those kids this summer because they were night and day different from when I saw them the year before when their parents were taking care of them. This summer they were clean, they were more under control, they were quieter, they seemed much more peaceful and content, they seemed much more normal in their behavior. Last summer the best word to describe them and their family life was dysfunctional. Now they are functional.
As far as taking food to the park, I think you SHOULD speak up when they complain. It's fine for them (parents included) to not like what you make. It ISN'T fine for them to complain to you.
I'm one who can barely think of things to make for lunches for school, but let me see if I can brain storm.
I did see a recipe at Costco that I think could be improved upon. They took a tortilla and put a lettuce leaf in it. They took canned chicken and mixed it with ranch dressing and put it inside the lettuce leaf, then rolled it up and sliced it like Hi roller sandwiches. I think in general, Hi rollers are good, just use a tortilla/ cream cheese, lunch meat, lettuce/ tomatoes/olives...whatever you have and roll it up and slice it.
I think what you have been bringing sounds good. Bagels, hot dogs, deli sandwiches...that all sounds great! Potato salad keeps pretty well in the fall months. Pasta salad would be good: pasta, cubed cooked chicken/ tomatoes/ olives, cucumbers/ Italian dressing, cheese. I sometimes make just that for dinner, or add french bread to the meal. What's that one salad with tuna and peas and noodles? Granted, I think that no matter what you cook, they will complain. I think you should just tell them they are allowed not to like it, but they aren't allowed to complain. :)
I like Epitome of Sweetness' idea. And maybe you should at least threaten it: Next time you go to the park, before you unpack the lunch tell them if anyone complains they will all be packing their own lunches next time. Then if they complain, I'd get the peanut butter out and make each kid make their own. (Well maybe not the 2 year old.) I'd also inform the parents to BTOL: Bring Their Own Lunch. In fact, especially if it is the parent's complaining, I'd just tell them to bring their own next time anyway.
I don't know what your kids like to eat, but I love Mom's macaroni salad recipe. In fact, I'd ask DCFS what you are supposed to do in the wintertime if you can't go to their house and it will be too cold to go to the park.
I'd take whatever you feel like making, and serve it with a nice warm glass of shut the hell up.
I think you are doing a great job - when people complain just stick your tongue out at them LOL - here's my meal ideas - if you have a big or multiple thermoses maybe you could do chili & corn chips, you could do a make your own PB sandwich thing and offer different toppings, like bananas, honey, apples, etc., maybe cold sesame noodles?, chicken salad either sandwiches or served on a lettuce leaf, you could also do cold chicken wings, celery sticks with pb, I found a recipe for a cold pizza you use baked cresent roll dough (rolled out flat) then mix cream cheese, mayo, and ranch dressing dry mix together and spread it on top then cover it with cold veggies of your choice,maybe a cold tortellini salad, Mexican Snack Squares ( http://www.cdkitchen.com/recipes/recs/346/Mexican_Snack_Squares1447.shtml ) or something like that - okay that's all I can think of.
As I was reading, right before I hit Amber's post, I thought of the chili and fritos idea. Do the kids like that? Deli sandwiches with different kinds of meats and toppings. You could do baked potatoes and keep them warm in an insulated lunch box and do a baked potato bar. I still like Nativeminnow's idea. You need to tell them that you'll provide food, but they don't have to eat it. If they don't like it, they can go hungry, but they need to shut the hell up either way. It's rude to sit and complain when someone is trying to do something nice for you. And if they complain next time, then use Epitome's BYOLS. *L*
Delirious, this wasn't brought on by your blog at all, I didn't even think of that. It is people telling me in person that I should do this or shouldn't do that when I don't think they know what they are talking about, because they haven't raised meth kids.
I'm feeding nine people at these meals, can't afford fast food, and also it is on Sunday, so I don't want to buy stuff. I don't think I can keep anything warm. It's three hours until we eat, plus I have to pack it after church, so don't really have time then to heat anything up or cook anything.
Hey, I REALLY like Native Minnow's idea.
Me, too. :0)
me, three :o)
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