INKLINGS

TENUOUS CONNECTIONS

I have had something on my mind for some time now, and decided today I am going to blog it. It seems to me that people don't connect with each other as much as they used to. I love all the technological things we have today, and in some ways connect even more through them (ie: more frequent e-mails, more phone conversations), but sometimes I think they and other things get in the way of our relationships with friends and family. We have gone to visit our family sometimes, and the grandkids run out and hug us, say, "Hi, Grandma! Hi, Grandpa!" and then run back to the video games they were playing before we came, or the movie they are watching, or the computer they are on, never to set foot out of their room again. I have heard other parents and grandparents say the same types of things happen to them, so it isn't just us. Or you are in a room full of family, and suddenly you realize almost every person is watching tv, texting or talking on their phone, reading something, or on their laptop, even though the group is seldom together. I noticed last summer when all of my siblings were at my parents' house that most of the group was so busy going to do fun things or see interesting sites that they actually never really visited much with my parents, who at 85 and 86, may not be here many more years. Or even one. Ditto for visiting other siblings. I found myself sitting alone with my parents for hours at a time, while Dad wryly commented that he sure hadn't expected the house to be that quiet that week. I e-mail family frequently, but have had such things happen as people who call and ask me a question that I'd already answered in an e-mail a few days before, only to have them say, "Well, I really don't check my e-mail much." I used to have a group of people I only heard from at Christmas, but there seems to be a growing trend among them to not send Christmas cards any more. It doesn't bother me to not get cards from people I am regularly in touch with, but I miss hearing from people who are special to me, and who now don't even connect once a year. I was grateful this year for several friends who e-mailed me on receipt of our Christmas card and told me they weren't sending cards out, but wanted to connect through a note. We have not had much contact with Dee Ice's brothers and their families since their mother died 2 years ago. She was the family glue, I guess. Several years ago one of the brothers decided we should all quit giving family gifts and just call each other on the holidays instead. Dee Ice called for several years, but he never had phone calls back, so he quit. No calls from brothers at all. Now we never see them unless we go to them, never hear from them even at Christmas, and the e-mails I write them are always unanswered. Once, quite a few years ago, we got notice that we were being transferred to another community through Dee Ice's work. We had been quite involved in that community, and people kept telling us they didn't know how they were going to manage without us. I began to wonder if they could, too. :0) I said something to that effect to Dee Ice, and he said, "Do you want to know how much people miss you when you're gone? Put your hand in a bucket of water and take it out. The hole in the water is the hole you leave behind you." I thought that was a pretty harsh statement at the time, but maybe he is right after all?

posted by Inklings @ 11:56 AM